Monday, March 9, 2009


Um, so that was umm, yeah.....kinda not so much?

So I had coffee with this guy that I may or may not have a slight "thing" for....and I'm not really sure how it went.

First of all, as a disclaimer, I shouldn't even be analyzing whether he's into me or whatever, because I'm in a dedicated relationship....but that's a whole other can of worms that I just don't want to get into right now.

So this is the second time I've had coffee with this guy and the first time was pretty awesome, we discovered quite a bit of common ground and it was still awkward but it was good awkward.

So tonight was the second time and for like an hour before we were supposed to meet my heart is just pounding in my ears because I get THAT nervous seeing this person. I was hoping it would be a little easier, that the conversation would flow better and that I'd be a little more comfortable with him.

Yeah, right. I am the queen of awkwardness. 

I just can't tell how this went. I think, not suprisingly, that I may have come off as EXTREMELY BORING. There were awkward pauses GALORE.....well maybe only two or three, but STILL. 

Even if I just want to be friends with guy, I feel like I'm not getting any farther with him. I'm trying to figure out WHO THIS PERSON IS and I'm not really getting anywhere. I'm not looking for a discussion on emotional crap or anything but I feel like I'm the one constantly running the conversation and THAT IS NEVER GOOD. This is why I hang around with "type A" personalities, they ALWAYS have something to say and I don't have to figure out a path for the conversation to take. 

I have a few ideas as to why tonight was not so great, wanna hear them? Super.

1. (Worst Case) He has discovered that I am actually completely and utterly boring and not only is he "not that into me" but is pretty much not interested in friendship either. This is the conclusion I get from the amount of finger tapping and clock-glances.
2. Was never into me, just wants to be friends and maybe there is no "deeper" person than the one I had coffee with tonight. Maybe HE is boring, NOT ME. So there. (Unlikely, through conversations over the net and otherwise I already know he is way more interesting than me).

3. (Best Case*) Is into me and awkwardness is a result of tension. Maybe alcohol can be used as an ice breaker? In this case, usually some sort of sexual contact will relieve tension, but in this specific NOT the present time.

* Not sure if this is actually best case considering I'm involved in a serious relationship.

I wish making out was on the list of things ok to do with NOT your boyfriend. Really, really, a lot.

At the end he turned to me and was like "so....I guess I'll see you......?" I'm not even going to bother dissecting what could be behind that statement, so I said this:

"Do you like Mario Kart"?

If you can't make out with ' video games instead.

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