"You know, for a second there, yeah, I kinda did."
- Kill Bill
I really thought the hard part was over. Life is hard, I get that.
But I really thought I had the whole love-of-my-life part figured out, thought I could devote my time to more pressing matters like....writing the great american novel or something.
Have you ever had an epiphany? Not like a I-finally-got-that-joke-someone-told-me-last-week kind of epiphany but a real, honest to god, life-altering, sudden realization? I mean, it has the potential to be really awesome, like maybe suddenly the meaning of life (42, obviously) becomes clear, or the knowledge of where exactly socks disappear to (you could make millions off of this) pops magically into your head, but when the thought that maybe, just maybe, the one part of your life that was finally going according to some kind of plan, just may not be at all what you're looking for meanders its way unannounced into your thoughts.....it's terrifying. All I have to say to this epiphany is:
WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM AND HOW DID YOU GET INSIDE MY HEAD!? YOUR NAME ISN'T EVEN ON THE FRIGGIN LIST FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!
It's terrifying and unbe-fucking-lievably confusing as there is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with this relationship...it is PERFECT IN EVERY WAY. Well, except that if it were.....good ol' unwelcome epiphany over there would not have shown it's ugly face around here.
So now, instead of saving children in Africa from malaria, or preventing the ice caps from melting, or even motivating myself to GO TO THE GYM, my brain is fully and completely occupied with answering the WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? that I keep asking.
Did I mention that there's a few external factors that are coming into this mess....JUST WHEN I DON'T NEED THEM?!
I need to get away from my brain.
(GO TO THE GYM!! JUST GO! IT'S NOT THAT BAD, REALLY!)