Wednesday, April 22, 2009


Apart from the whole emotional trauma (or lack thereof) there are two things that happen when you become "unattached" that really affect your life:

1. You can kiss other boys. (Or men if you so wish to do so)

2. Your friends, family, neighbours, postman and complete strangers will become never-ending fonts of knowledge dedicated solely to when, who, how (and in some strange cases "what") you should date.

Some of you will say that this second item really shouldn't be that important, but as someone who was told from a young age that EVERYTHING I DO IS WRONG I usually get advice on any major decision from an entire panel of representatives.....hey, I'm all for democracy alright?

So far, while some representatives have been divided on a few issues, there is one on which they stand in solidarity.....very LOUD solidarity:


And i get where they're coming from, especially in respect to me, the girl who cannot stop having back to back relationships like it's a saturday afternoon CSI marathon. But just for arguments sake (and thanks to freedom of speech YOU CAN'T STOP ME) I'm going to tell you all why I think YOU ARE WRONG. 


What, you need more than that?

Do you remember the first kiss you had with someone that you really liked? Wasn't it awesome? 
And I'm sure that a kiss on the first date is really good, for me the more build-up the better. 

So just imagine this:
There is this one person currently in your life that just stands out a little more from the rest, so you decide to get to know them just a little better. Sometimes you find out that they have a strange penchant for scrapbooking their financial statements and it ends right there AS IT RIGHTLY SHOULD,  BECAUSE WHO DOES THAT!? But if you're lucky, you start discovering someone who is way more than what they appear to be. I mean, this person has untold DEPTHS of not-too-scary and sometimes kinda wonderful things about them. The more you learn, the more you want to know. It's like a Pulitzer prize winning book with a really bland cover, you're not sure why you even picked it up to begin with, but you end up reading it until the early morning hours because it is JUST THAT GOOD. Eventually you become absolutely consumed with this person, you start imagining places that you would go together, conversations you would have, jokes you would both totally get and the imaginary sex? IT DOES NOT SUCK. 

And in real life? You haven't so much as touched this person in any way. No hand holding, no accidental footsies, no gratuitous hugging and of course do not even think about staring deeply into their eyes. Did you just think about it? You thought about it, didn't you? Well STOP.

Then there comes that moment, just before THE TOUCHING that you are physically and mentally more aware of this person than any other. For God's sake you could pick out the exact shade of their eyes on paint chip at home depot, graph the number of times they blink per minute and catalogue every item of clothing you've ever seen them in. 

I live for that moment and the one that comes after it. The moment that their lips and your lips finally, FINALLY get to meet. Because it breaks down that no-touching barrier and all of a sudden you can do all of those things you've been thinking of incessently for weeks. You can finally wrap your arms around their waist, trail your fingertips down their arm or nibble on them a little. Actually, save all biting and nibbling for at least the second date, you can work up to that.

And you know what? The kissing doesn't even really matter. It doesn't even have to be that good, and you wouldn't even know. It is the thrill, the release of ALL OF THAT TENSION rushing at you that makes it better than any roller coaster, horror movie or near death experience. 


  1. Anticipation is great...but be Careful! don't put all your eggs in one basket. Don't close yourself off to other things just because you found a good one. I'm going to quote YOU;

    "I never really took the time to figure myself out in between relationships and it is coming back full force to bite me in the ass"

    Food for thought...

  2. Not much beats anticipation, but since when did anticipation start to be measured by the number of "dates" you have with the someone?

    Can't anticipation build up in an hour or two? or throughout an evening?
    Of course it can...
    Non believer? Well I've got proof! The best proof... Santa Fucking Claus!

    As a young boy on Christams Eves I sure as hell anticipated Santa Claus. This was only for a few hours before I feel asleep "while visions of sugar plums danced in my head" (I never did understand that one, who the fuck dreams of sugar plums on Christmas Eve? - if you did then you are fucked in the head - I dreamt of Badass muthafuckin' action figures!)

    Anyway, when I would wake up Christmas mornings, with wicked anticipation I would rush downstairs to find that year after year after year Santa had ROCKED MY WORLD!

    I recently started seeing this woman... we kissed on the first date... Fuck did we kiss... and you know what? We rocked each others world and we did it with a fruity mess load of anticipation...It CAN be done!

    oh and btw...

    1) her eyes are "Garden Green" #001284643 - a gentle and reduced colour of light brunswick green, a colour which is midsummer itself.

    2) She blinks 19 times per minute unless she is really turned on, then it drops to 16.5


    3) Not only can I catalog every item of clothing I have ever seen her in, I can also catalog the clothing she will be purchasing this Saturday...and it is with great anticipation that I await to take the new clothing off of her...